DAFT COMMS: ‘Can you send an all staff email? Someone has taken the scissors from the post room and I need them back.’

Every now and then I’ll crowdsource daft requests made to comms people.

I thought it high time to ask the same question again of the 6,500 Public Sector Comms Headspace. 

Here you go. Can you beat this? 

Daft comms requests

“Can you make this go viral at 2pm on Wednesday?” – Lucy Salvage.

“The man on the left of the group in this photo is standing sideways can you change it so he’s looking at the camera?” – Steve Collins.

“Can we have more white faces in the brochure for BME?” – Anon.

“Can we have a Twitter account to reach young people” and “Can we do a Facebook Live to stop drug addicts taking ketamine?” – Nick Lakeman

“‘I need to submit an awards entry on Twitter by 5pm today. Can you set up a company Twitter account urgently so I can do this.’ Bearing in mind the organisation had no Twitter account and no plans to have one either.” – Becky Kasumba 

“‘Here’s a template 1200 word spokesman press release from industry body and four A4 posters for our awareness raising month.’ That’s it. That is the request.”– David Grindlay 

“Can you send an all staff email, someone has taken the scissors from the post room and I need them back.” –  Pete Le Riche

“Graphic design job: can you make the white, whiter?” – Victoria Edmond.

“There are three cars parked on the overspill car park and the circus has just arrived to put up the Big Top. Please can you send out an all user email to tell them they need to move their cars?” – Louise Sharf

“Call from a member of security direct to me, head of internal comms: ‘There’s a student in the library wearing a t-shirt that says: ‘Jesus is a c**t’. What should we do?’ In the end security stared for so long trying to figure out their next steps that the student got a bit self conscious and sheepish and put their hoodie back on.” – Alice Oliver.

“Can we have a QR code? We want to email or text it to people”– David Bell.

“Can u send an email to let everyone know all the emails are down?” – Ghazala Begum 

“Incoming media query: ‘Can you tell me if the Bat Plane will be landing near the A9?’” – Sarah Anne O’Loughlin.

“Can you write an awards submission for this survey-based campaign, but we should only enter it if the survey-based campaign results are favourable. Awards submission deadline is early June, survey-based campaign results expected early July.” – Stephanie Robinson Cutts.

“Photographing the 5’6 Town Clerk presenting an award to the 6’4 Mayor – ‘Just fiddle with the photo and make us the same height.’” – Emma Bye. 

“Can you photoshop eyes onto the Trust Chair in this group photo? My colleague tried and the results were HILARIOUS.” – Charlie Grinhoff.

“Can you make this look pretty?” – Megan Olivia Duggan.

“One from my charity days but my favourite 4pm on Friday media request ‘I understand you hold the media rights to Captain pugwash?’ We didn’t. The journo had looked at the wrong line in their contacts spreadsheet. But being the media professional I am, I didn’t immediately rule it out and said I would go away and check.” – Suzi Robinson.

“‘You’ve sent us this mock design of how our leaflet would look in the wrong language.’ Lorem Ipsum anyone?” – Karen Rowley. 

“Going back in time regarding a print quote submitted with a new brochure: “Well if I’m paying for 4 Colours I expect to see all of them.” – Philip Mackie.

“Please can Comms turn off the fog horn, I’m struggling to concentrate.” We work on the waterfront.” – Cath Akins.

“Asking us to remove a post and ban a user from a Facebook group that has nothing to do with us, because they complained about bad service they received from us and named a staff member directly.” – William John 

“Can we have a map with QR codes linking to things to do in each area? Sure, just send me the links. Oh, there’s no links, we don’t actually have a list of things to do, a website, or any intention of producing one.” – Ruth Fry

“‘Can we have lines to take, Q&A, full comms plan, photos, videos and the moon on a stick by COP a week last Thursday please for something maybe might be happening in 2044, we dunno yet. We have no idea on the hook or the key messages, but will definitely need a press release for it.’ Obviously, not a real request, but sums all requests up in a nutshell.” – Pam Pye.

“At 3pm. The awareness day is today, can you just chuck some content out both internally & externally that links it to something we are doing, be great if you can get some staff and customers to take part.” – Caroline Howarth

“‘Make the most accessible website, ever.’ Same person, same website: ‘You need to use this  specific shade of light green behind white text.” I suggested many accessibility compliant combinations, but eventually relented to make it that specific light green, only to be told it was the wrong green and change it all again to a different but still non-compliant shade.” – Keely Gallagher.

“Make this go viral,” will always be my biggest head-banging-against-wall moment.”– Sarah Rochester.

“I’d like everyone in the organisation to know what great charitable work this team is doing, without writing an article about it, or doing anything that may be perceived as us promoting it.” – Brioney Hirst.

“Can you email everyone to tell them that emails are down?” – Penny Gibbs

“Can you send me a word document of the entire website so that I can use it to learn how to create an App version of the website?” – Sacha Taylor

“Can you ‘comms’ this?” – Christine De Souza

“Got asked if I could make a video go viral again this week. You think I’d still be working if I could make videos go viral?” – Tøbias Der Mönch

Thank you to Anon, Tobias der Monch, Christine De Souza, Keely Gallagher, Vicky Croughan, Nick Lakeman, Becky Kasumba, David Grindlay, Alex Thurley-Ratcliff, Sarah Rochester, Penny Gibbs, Brioney Hirst, Pete Le Riche, Victoria Edmond, Louise Sharf, Alive Oliver, David Bell, Ghazala Begum, Debbie Goodland, Sacha Taylor, Sarah Anne O’Loughlin, Stephanie Robinson Cutts, Emma Bye, Charlie Grinhoff, Megan Olivia Duggan, Suzi Robinson, Karen Rowley, Philip Mackie, Cath Atkins, William John, Kaylee Godfrey, Lucy Salvage and Steve Collins.

Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: